A four letter word that brings with it a million problems.
Knowing why you come to the decisions you make can help you decide,
Am I doing this because I am afraid, or because this is the right choice?
When we find ourselves in compromising situations, fear immediately comes in and we are left trying to figure out…how do I get out of this as quickly and discreetly as I can? After all, fear has friends that like to party in your head too. Shame. Guilt.
There seems to be a tug of war that comes with wanting to do what’s right and wanting to go the easy way. Guess the direction fear will pull you in? As many who have walked before you will tell you…the difficult way ends up being the easy way at the end. Easy. Not because the toil of your hand was less but because the peace in your mind was full. Although the fog of doubt is so thick it’s hard to see any hope for the future by choosing the “right” way.
Dreams seem to transition into nightmares, your vision of a hopeful future becomes so cloudy all you see is pain, and uncertainty.
Fear seems to repeat the words “finality” in your ear over and over until you concede. Till you come into full agreement with it’s manipulative ways.
If you feel pressure. STOP.
If someone pressures you. STEP BACK.
RUN. GET AWAY. ASSESS.
Fear will not allow you to make a choice out of confidence, empowerment, or truth. Fear wipes away your confidence. Washes away truth, until you only sleep, and breathe fear. Fear pressures you so you can’t think straight, or try to process the situation. Fear screams so you feel so overwhelmed you willingly surrender to it. Once you agree with fear that its choice is the best, and walk into it, it will stab you in the back. Laugh at you. Betray you. Fear is the jealous abusive boyfriend that refuses for you to move on. Tells you all the things you want to hear just to reel you back into its clutches.
Ask yourself the next time you feel rushed by fear…
Do I have all the facts?
Do I know the outcome of the situation, when it comes to the different routes set before me?
If the fear is from an outside source, are they giving you ultimatums, promises, guarantees, that their way is the best and only way, when you feel differently? Do they refuse to give you time and space to think? Do they ask how you feel about the situation, or do you feel dismissed? Do you feel like you are being controlled?
Assess your feelings. If you feel rushed and unprepared, like your up against a time clock. That is an indication that you are about to make a mistake. If you have the thought, “I’ll just do what they want”, or “I will just do it and think about the repercussions later.” Stop. You will only be setting a trap for yourself based off an induction of fear.
Trust your intuition. Know the full extent of your options. The pros, the cons. Don’t make decisions based off feelings. Talk to people who have been where you are right now, or read their stories.
What do they wish they could have done differently? Are they happy with the outcome?
Make choices based off truth/facts. Not what’s easy, but what’s right.
Attempt to get away to process. Speak with an unbiased party.
It will require a great deal of strength to look fear in the face and laugh when you feel like crying. Laugh at fear as your knees quake. Fear will throw every one of your weaknesses and insecurities in your face. Remind you, of what others will think and what a failure you will be. Stand. Stand strong, and stand firm.
I picture Wonder Woman beaten, bloodied, with open gaping wounds from a tumultuous fight. She lay there with shallow breaths contemplating whether she should just allow her soul to finally find rest, or to summon whatever strength she has. Both options sound appealing. But only one would not be easy. One choice would mean more open wounds, more of a fight that she doesn’t feel she has left to give. Letting her hope fade and resigning that this is it, seems easier.
Something seems to be awakening her. Appealing to the very things she is about to surrender. Reminding her of who she is. Where she came from. All the times she should have died but didn’t. All the people she has saved, and all the people that still need saving.
The voices of those who trained her, raised her, supported her begin to fill her head, and she looks to see her sword not far from her injured hand. The laugh of her enemy begins to resound triumphantly, and it stirs her all the more….”I am Diana,” she screams. “I will not be defeated!” Although she has the image of a roughed up Barbie doll, she still carries a beautifully radiant fierceness about her.
Friend, sometimes when our situation stares us down and laughs at us. No matter your background, what you have done, or has been done to you. Remind yourself that you have what it takes to defeat fear! Stand in your beautiful radiance, as people question, doubt, gossip, laugh, or pressure you. Remind yourself that you have what it takes to make it to the other side.
Maybe your vision, dreams, or goals will not look the same. Maybe, just maybe, they will look better if you only believe, and trust the process. Redemption is a beautiful thing. Women have this unique strength that we know how to get the job done. We don’t shy away from challenges but meet them head on knowing there is someone on the other side of our ‘yes’ that was worth this gloriously, intense, fierce, angry, war. Sometimes, dear one, the one on the other side of your ‘yes’ is you.